Ask the Girls – Being Bullied (archived project)

 

The Ask the Girls is an archived project that ran between 2010-2011.  Parents and their children with a connection to adoption were invited to ask questions on the website to a number of  tween & teen adoptees. Thank you to all the people that took part in the project. Find out more about the project on the Ask the Girls page.

Below is one of the questions & answers. Other questions asked can be found here on the Ask the Girls – Questions page.

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The Question:

Being Bullied

02/20/2011 09:42 AM

Even though I am younger than you, I still go through the same problems. The reason I became home schooled is because of bullies.

Hi! First of all, I should start out by introducing myself.

Name: KH
Age: 10
Grade: 5th
School: I am home schooled
Family: I have a 14 year old brother (not adopted), a loving , and a sweet dog named Biscuit
Favorites: CHOCOLATE!!! FOOD!! Stuff, friends, dogs, helping people in need, Percy Jackson and the Olyimpians book series, drawing comics and super heroes and villans
Least Favorites: Bullies, smoke, seafood, lots of work
Live: When I was adopted I lived in Minnesota. Then me and my family moved to the Carolinas
Hobbies: sleeping, eating, hiding, stuff
Things I am good at: making lists, history, Geography, memorizing stuff, drawing
Struggles: school, staying focused, honesty, other stuff

Even though I am younger than you, I still go through the same problems. The reason I became home schooled is because of bullies. Year after year bullies make me feel depressed. When I used to go to public school, I would come home some days and start crying because I felt un-smart. There was a time when I always thought my parents didn’t love me because I caused so much trouble. Then I tried to run away to China to find my real parents. I’m not asking you to read all of this and send me a message of what you think I should do. I’m just telling you a short timeline of my life and all my stress.

I was found outside of the orphanage at about a couple weeks. I was adopted at 9 months old and the orphanage worker brought me to my new family in the hotel lobby of their hotel in Shanghai. Me and my bed-mate in the orphanage Piper were both adopted at the same time. We grew up together in Minnesota for about 5 years. Then they moved to a place I don’t know. My mom always tells me about how she had to wait for 2 years before she got me.

It’s okay if you don’t send me a message back. But I do have a few questions.

What do you do if you are being bullied?
What do you do if someone else is being bullied?
If you could go any where in the world where would you go and why.
If you could meet me, what would you say?

Thanks for reading.

___

The Answer:

RE: Being Bullied

02/21/2011 04:10 PM

Dear KH-

I read all of your email to Amanda Baden. Here is what I think. Sorry it is long but I just wanted to give you the best advice and my opinions to help you out [:

Dear KH-

I read all of your email to Amanda Baden. Here is what I think. Sorry it is long but I just wanted to give you the best advice and my opinions to help you out [:

~What do you do if you are being bullied?

If I am getting bullied I usually just ignore or say “shut up” or “you’re stupid.” I know that is not the best way to handle it but I usually just shrug the negatives aside and focus on positives. I think to myself, why are they being mean; what is their motive here? Maybe they want a reaction to please themselves. Maybe they are being bullied and the only way for them to cope with that is to bully others as well.

I don’t get bullied though, I did in middle school around 7th and 8th grade. Yes, I felt hurt. They were usually racist comments, or about me being adopted, and since I am an open person about many things, me being adopted is one of those things.

Last year, freshman year in High school, I would get teased, not really bullied, by this boy in my class. He is in my class this year too but he is not really teasing me. I just ignored him. He used to say stupid things to me like “You’re not even asian, you don’t speak Chinese!” or “Go back to China” or even the worst one, “You should never have been adopted, it would be better if you were in China, not here.”

These sayings were very hurtful to me. But I learned that you have to just be strong and prevail. I would feel hurt by what he would say. But then I would get to thinking. Positively. I would think to myself that I am glad I got adopted from China, because I have a very good life, filled with opportunities that most kids in China don’t have. I would think that this is just one person hating on me. He would never tell me why he didn’t like me, just that I was “so annoying and loud.” So what though. Those may be little flaws but who are you for me to work to please?

Basically, there will be people in your life, KH, that do not like you and others who you do not like. But you just have to remember that you do NOT live to please others, you live to please yourself. Do things that make YOU happy. Listen to happy music, make a playlist for when you are feeling down or depressed, and that music will help you feel better and back to your best. Play some sports or exercise or get active. Being active or working out is good for the body and your wellbeing because it releases hormones that make you happy and feeling good.

~What do you do if someone else is being bullied?

If someone else is getting bullied or feeling bad because of someone else I usually tell the person or persons who are being mean to cut it out and tell them it is not nice, how would they like it if someone was doing that to them. I am the type of person who is friends with everyone and knows many people. I know practically everyone in my school and the other high school in the same building as mine. But usually people don’t get bullied in my school. Everyone is friends and if not then they just don’t go in other people’s paths or whatever because my school is 1 floor, very small. But there is never drama really in my school. It’s really chill place [:

~If you could go any where in the world where would you go and why.

If I could go anywhere in the world, I would probably have to say California, just because I want to feel the warmth and the breeze and explore that state [:

~If you could meet me, what would you say?

If I could meet you I would tell you that you cannot let anybody put you down. You have to be strong, KH, because the world is not easy. When you grow up to be an adult, you will be a person all on your own, adn you will have to be independent and strong when sad or bad times roll your way. It sounds a little harsh, I know, but it is the truth. I do not lie, KH, I am a very honest person.

Here are some songs for you to put into a “Happy” playlist or if you do not have an mp3 player, to listen to online. I have a Happy playlist so I will share with you the songs I have on it [:

-The Anthem- Good Charlotte (a happy anthem)

-Come On Get Higher- Matt Nathanson (if you’re feeling down, get higher, think better thoughts and remember happy memories and times you have had and will have in the future)
-Crash My Party- Cassie Steele
-Dream- Miley Cyrus
-Fearless- Daechelle (be fearless. Always be confident)
-Fingerprints- Katy Perry (About overcoming people’s expectations or thoughts on what you will do and who you will become and who you are)
-The Good Life- Hannah Montana (to remind you that we are lucky to be where we are and who we are with)
-I’m Just A Girl- Hannah Montana (to remind you that you are just a person, a human being on this earth, just like everyone else, so if u mess up or w.e then don’t stress it bc you are just a person, and ppl mess up sometimes, thts what we do, then we learn)
-Jump Then Fall- Taylor Swift (if you fall down sometimes it’s ok, just remember to keep going and jump up again)
-Just the way you are- Bruno mars (you are amazing just the way you are. No one has the right to tell u otherwise bc NO ONE IS PERFECT!)
-Lets Do This- Hannah Montana (if you are about to do something you are nervous about doing ex presenting in front of ppl or auditions then just be confident and do it with no fears holding you back from being and giving it your best)
-Life is a Show- Cassie Steele (when you are down remember that life is a show and you should just keep hanging in there till it gets better, because it WILL get better. I promise [: Winking
-Perfect Day- Hoku (song from legally blonde, basically great for being yourself and keeping a positive attitude and having confidence and wearing a smile. You cant frown listening to this song, that’s how awesome it is)
-Party in the USA- Miley cyrus (carefree be yourself no matter what ppl say kinda song)
-Nobody’s Perfect- Hannah montana (the title is self-explanatory)
-Let’s Get Crazy- Hannah Montana (be yourself, be confident)
-Jump To The Rhythm- Jordan Pruitt (be yourself, be happy live life to the fullest)
-Pony (It’s Ok)- Erin McCarley (its ok if you mess up just be positive, its ok, you’re having one bad day, no biggie, just live life)
-Pretty Girl Rock- Keri Hilson (remember you are pretty inside and out, no one can tell u otherwise, be confident and happy)
-Raise Ur Glass-Pink (celebrate living, be yourself, be confident bc no one is perfect)
-Right Here (Departed)- Brandi (be confident, be positive and yourself bc people care about you and don’t ever think otherwise)
-Shark In The Water- V.V. Brown (when u mess up just get up and try again)
-She Said- Brie Larson (pull through hard times. Even if u do bad get up. Be yourself and do things that are good for u and make u feel good. Dress for yourself no one else)
-Upside Down- Jack Johnson (happy song)
-Waka Waka (This Time For Africa)-Shakira (feel good, positive, everyone is only human, be yourself confidence and uplifting/encouraging song)
-We R Who We R- Kesha (you are who you are)
-Born This Way- Lady Gaga (u r special and born as who u r)
-Express Yourself- Madonna (same as born this way lady gaga)
-Whip My Hair- Willow Smith (shake off the haters and negative thoughts and ppl, be yourself and ignore em)

Hope you enjoyed this letter and got great things out of it.
Feel free to contact me whenever you need someone to talk to about something or if you just want to say hello [:
Have a good day, KH, and remember, always be yourself and have faith that you will overcome those hard times and will have good times to come [;

Sincerely,

MusicBabi99, 10th grade, 16 yrs old.

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